Pursuing Joy: The Antiquated Fear

Their are two types of fear. One is Fear of the Lord, or being  in such great awe of his Being that we willfully, respectfully and joyfully submit to him.                        Then we have the type of Fear that is born of sin.

From deep within my soul  I am drawn by human sinful nature to groan in Fear of this world….I Sprint as fast as I can to Jesus. Some days I can feel myself up on my toes bouncing off the pavement, my heart racing, my fists tightly swinging in anger forward, moving straight ahead as fast as my faith will allow me.  I can’t remain in Fear of this world. I won’t.

I think we fear the unknown far too much than we should and while I don’t think we want to live in Fear… it is a part of our inherent nature.

I think we have a choice in how we deal with life. God given free will lets us choose to live in Fear or pursue Joy.  Joy for the Lord.

I say pursue Joy, because for me it doesn’t always come simply or naturally. I have a complicated mind that thinks way to much and way to hard. Not always good.

I have to make a choice every day I wake up. Will I exercise my well trained and almost perfected control freak habits and attempt to manipulate, control and personally man handle the Fear or live for the Joy of Jesus.

Worldly Fear in my life plays out like this:

I fear that my son will be taken from me at an early age due to a complication or medical issue related or unrelated to his diagonsis of Down Syndrome. ( early onset Alzheimer’s)

I fear that people won’t love my child the way he deserves…

I fear the person that in some way shape or form will hurt Grady without even knowing it…He senses your uncomfortableness…I do too.

I fear I can’t protect him from them.

I fear  for which I cannot control, the gossip, the looks,  that which I hear but those don’t know I do.  FEAR.

Just about the only obstacles I struggle to deal with when it comes to Down Syndrome is life expectancy.  In 1980 the life expectancy of an individual with Down Syndrome was 25, today in 2010 it is 50-60 with an increased and almost inevitable chance of Alzeihemers early onset by the age of 35. While these statistics loom quietly over my existence and that of Grady’s, they settle down into my thoughts from time to time and the end result is Fear. Anger being a bi-product. I can’t fathom it. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. Make the Fear stop, Lord.

So what then do I do with this Fear? What do I need to do more of? His Love, His Word….Scripture.

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you;

be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I have to trust in God completely, he will help me. Submit to Him constantly, he will strengthen me.  Most importantly, Fear Not.And Yes hold Grady and Mason that much tighter.

I won’t waste the gift of Down Syndrome on Fear itself, that would undermine just the undeniable blessing and indescribable Love Grady is in this world.  The potentiality of a shorter life span has given me the gift of perspective and appreciation that I did not have before. It has drawn me closer to the Lord and in return closer to my children. It makes taking a million pictures a million to short, or a million kisses a million to short.

A Perfect God who has Perfect Love gave me a child with Down Syndrome. Did you read that, A Perfect God gave me this child. Amazing and blessed to know he has a perfect plan for us too.

1 John 4:18  states “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love”

Psalm 5:11

But let all who take refuge in you rejoice;

let them ever sing for joy,

and spread your protection over them,

that those who love your name may exult in you.

So, Today I will Pursue Joy, Sprint.

My Loves

* A special thanks to our family friend's farm who let me borrow their property for the morning to capture these photographs that will be used on my christmas cards! ...while shooting Mrs. S told me while watching Grady among the baby chicks she thought of this phrase "Essence of Innocence" ..I agree with her, seeing Grady among the chicks lit up my world as a mother and a photographer.



9 thoughts on “Pursuing Joy: The Antiquated Fear

  1. Jennifer@GDWJ says:

    Oh my word… Your children are pure SUNSHINE. And those baby chicks! How precious.

    Thank you for your your willingness to share your fears. I talked with God about you tonight, and you probably already know this, but I’ll tell you anyhow: The Lord is CRAZY about you, and your beautiful family.

    Merry Christmas.

    — Jennifer Dukes Lee
    Contributing Editor @ The High Calling

  2. Emilyanne says:

    Oh my goodness, your blog gave me tears, tears that I have the same fears, tears of the uplifting words, and tears of joy for those beautiful children and wonderful mother. like someone already said above, i absolutely love this post!

    • Erin Ski! says:

      april! I would love that… we have a family wedding in new orleans on June 4th! do you live near there? WE aren;t sure if we can afford to go but I thought I would throw that out there!

  3. Jennifer says:

    Erin- I have also lapsed into fear on this particular issue, but recently received an enormous amount of Hope. As you pointed out, things have changed enormously for people with Ds, and they will continue to. As we speak, there are treatments that are turning the Science world on it’s ear- particularly in regards to the development of Alzheimer’s in people with Ds. I think by the time our boys are old enough to be worrying about these things, that God will provide in ways that don’t even exist now. I believe that. (I wrote a blog post about it recently because of a fundraiser I volunteered with- The post is called “December 4th”.) Thanks for sharing all you do and I LOVE the new photos!!

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