I had some deep moments of despair during our pregnancy, the unknown and fear that crept quietly into my mind. The devil kept tapping me on my shoulder and the second I turned my face from Jesus to turn I spiraled into crying fits of chest pounding & groaning cries. Where did this noise come from? It was a foreign cry pulling from an uncharted place. (<- see prenatal post)
Ever since Grady has arrived, I no longer cry out of desperation. God is good, he delivered me from that the day Grady was put into my arms. Any tears shed now are from intense love. But those new and uncharted territories my emotions venture into from time to time have turned into this longing to hold Grady spontaneously. Out of nowhere I will jump out of bed and have this deep sense of need to wrap my arms around him. Anxiously I get my Grady Fix, my heart starts beating slower and all is well. He is here with me now, it’s ok.
Anyone who knows me, knows I’m not one to go around and self-diagnosing myself, but I wonder if it is a form of post traumatic stress. Fortunately for me my cure to this anxious, needy, intense longing is quickly fixed with God at my side and Grady in my arms. It is intense.
Whew good thing, Grady man sleeps in a crib near by. (or on the occasion right next to me) …I wonder if anyone else with a prenatal diagnosis experienced this?
I just wanted to take a hot minute to tell you that God is moving in our little family right now, a lot. It’s incredible and hard to describe, but we see big changes coming our way, moving in our soul and ready to burst with more praise and thanks than ever before. I love Transformation. I love Jesus.
Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2