Since my life has taken an unexpected and unplanned turn I have noticed something brewing in my daily dialogue. I am finally catching on, reflecting and now analyzing my Down Syndrome Soap Box. It is a part of my life now in this particular season and probably for many years to come a significant subject very near and dear to my heart. I find myself in conversations with other mom’s with typical children getting on my soapbox about Grady whether it be his little achievements to something weighing on my heart when it comes to his diagnosis. I don’t know if they care to hear all about it, or if they understand, or maybe I am rambling. I like when people ask questions, then I know atleast I wasn’t the one to start up my soapbox. I don’t want to overwhelm them, but my insecurities weaken me and allow me to think I do. My life has changed so much and all these new experiences leave me with a lot to chat about.
I am lucky to have a friend who has a 3 year old little one with Down Syndrome at my church, when I ramble with her, or when my thoughts come out jumbled or a vent is highly needed… she listens and can usually translate into perfection my discombobulated thoughts. I must say I am grateful for our sisterhood of the extra chromosome.
I have days where I am not as strong as I want to be, days when I am broken, days when I live in a state of distress when the future comes to mind…(it’s truly the work of the Devil who never stops fighting to win the battle)…..In those broken and weak moments a simple play date, phone conversation or church group gathering comes around and there I go again, sometimes unknowingly or unconsciously I start talking about it. Not too long after I talk about it, I self diagnosis myself with anxiety, as I am in a state of …. vulnerability and reflection. I want to say forgive me, but I would be making an excuse for my emotions, feeling, my situation, and my heart.
The state of reflection is where I am at a lot. It is my ultimate hope to just share the Joy that Grady is in my life. I want my words to be fitted to describing my experience and my child in the most accurate God Pleasing way. I want my words to do Justice in advocating for Grady, I want to make him proud of me, because I am so proud of him.
Somedays I want to shout it out, whether people want to hear it or not, whether I jump back on my soapbox again… I feel I have been given this gift that society in general has deemed a “burden or un-fit” (why else would abortion rate by 90% in the case of a diagnosis of T21?) and yet God has granted me his compassion and loaned me his Gift to love on. The Gift of Grady. I guess that is the best part of this journey so far, in the last three months just how much God is working in my life, my heart and my family.
So I pray for my words to be true, reflective and clear. I pray that my words find understanding & listening ears and If not then I pray for wisdom to handle the situation. I pray for other’s patience with me. In that prayer I give thanks for the wonderful people in my life who have listened, the unbelievable web of connections, the doors that are opening all around me, and each person who has loved on Grady. In prayer and thanks to God.