My blogging today is fueled by emotion. Emotion seperate from those that come along after childbirth… you know those “emotions” that every bad mood is blamed for…. the “hormones raging”. No my emotions on this stuff is just plain reality at it’s finest.
When I gave birth in North Carolina to my first son, Mason, I was 9 Hours from the majority of family. The distance played it out in serveral ways, some days it was nice to have the privacy but most of the time I wanted to be closer. Having Mason made me appreciate family so much more than I already did. So it wasn’t too much of a surprise that when he was 8 months old we moved back.
Ok …rewind, when Mason was 1 month old, We took the trip home to see the family. The trip was bit of a last minute one, but the news of my arrival home with Mason spread quickly. I had family at the doorstep within 24 hours of my arrival. My Aunt couldn’t wait to hold him and the grandmother took a trip up from NJ shortly after. One Sunday afternoon their wasn’t a free spot on the couch as everyone gathered around to enjoy our son. I thought it was absolutely wonderful. It made me miss home even more, I loved it.
For those of you who have followed my blog know that some family members have taken a step back from my life, whether they didnt support our decision to keep Grady or just made a personal choice to detach. It is a terribly sad reality to our diagnosis, mostly for them. So here we are living back home with our newest little bundle of Joy that is Grady, and all those family members that poured in to see Mason, haven’t called to come and visit us now. In fact within 1/2 mile from my doorstep live 14 family members (outside my immediate family (mom& dad)), as we are nestled upon old family farmland. 2 of those family members have dropped by. 2. Yes I got a card or two, but I can’t help but wonder if their is apprehension to visiting. Will their be apprehension with others….
That is why the lyrics keep popping up. Does the idea of Down Syndrome challenge your spiritual balance? Does the idea of Grady within our family challenge your Picture Perfect balance? Does the idea of Down Syndrome challenge your comfort level? Possibly. Maybe. Yes. Don’t know. But are we still family? Yes. I guess it bothers me because I thought all of my family would come through instead I feel an uncomfortable distance between my house to theirs. A silence.
On the beautiful side of this Blog entry is the other family I see forming around me everyday. I don’t feel the need to lean so hard on my family during those rough times in life anymore, because of God and his Perfect Timing to Save my Husband, My marriage is stronger than ever and I have my husband to lean on now. My relationship with God has opened up to another level and my relationship grows constantly. My immediate family never fails to show up when the going gets tough (thank you mom and dad) Because of loving and supportive church family that we have been working on becoming a part of, I have witnessed and received unconditional love from almost complete strangers. Because of Grady I have received blessed emails and letters of support from T21 mommies all over the country. I have had friends who have gone out of their way to drive all the way from NC to meet Grady. I have a cousin & my dearest friend who will answer her phone at all hours of the night and day to be there for me. I have wonderful women from where I work who reach out with support and encouragement. I am surrounded by Love. But most of all and the most beautiful side of it all is that I have my Grady now, I have the little man that 90% of American would have chosen to terminate. I have the little man who is absolutely wonderful.
I am going to stop fretting tonight about those so close but distant family members. God will work on them one by one….
Grady doesn’t challenge my balance. He has brought Balance to my life. He is our balance.
Grady gained 8oz this week, and is weighing in at 7lbs 11 1.2 ounces! Yay. He even grew a half of inch and the best news of all …. for the past two night he slept 8+ hours. Can we get a AMEN!