Ready to Pop!!…. the impossible bubble


Inside is Grady's 1st stuffed animal from us "elephant" ... my simple way to suggest that this shall be the only elephant in the room when he is with us. Im having fun with photoshop!

I have been laying low these last few days, insomnia has been keeping me up at nights and my mornings are dragging with exhaustion. I am a bit more relaxed knowing that their is an end in sight if I dont go into labor on my own. Grady’s Birthday will be the 26th….

Mason is down for his nap, and I wanted to blog a bit about something that I am fighting, I like to call it the “bubble effect”. I have been meaning to write about it before Grady is born, because it is something I am struggling with and just can’t seem to work past.  I am a pretty open person rather outgoing yet I find myself wanting to enclose myself in a bubble when Grady is born. My husband and I are going to the hospital by ourselves… whenever that day shall be.  We want to rely on God and each-other to get us through this, the ultimate bonding experience for our Marriage. That plan is a given, but  I am so urged to control who comes to see us there after birth. (I believe I have hinted in the past my control issues, they are fighting their way back to the forefront) I think it comes with the apprehension of not knowing how things are going to be.  I am not mad at myself for my desire to jump in a bubble, I feel it is a bit of the intense mother bear in me, and being a bit selfish in my thoughts of bonding with him. I am merely comfortable at this point in time with a very very select few, my comfort zone…

These last few days I have been living by text messages as a primary way of communicating with some people, because I am drained. I am drained when it comes to talking about all the excitement that is Grady. So I text or email. I hint towards my grumpiness in hopes that everyone will understand, I am drained, no more talking… Don’t get me wrong, I am excited, in my own way.(I don’t know if that makes sense unless you have been there) I am excited to move forward. I don’t want to exclude anyone, nor do I want to push away any support, I am just scared. That is the inner-workings of the devil. By giving in to him, I am removing myself farther away from where I want to be.. Closer to God. I want to break through the walls or bubbles I am so desperate to jump in. Tonight I am going to write some of my favorite versus down from the bible on index cards to bring with. I kindly ask for prayers in this area.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

Moving forward, I am overjoyed on the other hand because I am steadfast in God’s Promise for our life and that of Grady’s, I will not falter in knowing  and believing that. Just working through these emotions and this new life experience.

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3 thoughts on “Ready to Pop!!…. the impossible bubble

  1. Tara says:

    How you feel could totally change once he’s in your arms, too. I wanted to hide for about a day and then wanted to share him with the world! 🙂 I was a little overboard, though, and felt the need to announce to EVERYONE (from the grocery store clerk to the receptionist at the doctor’s office) that he has Down syndrome. Hormones are fun, aren’t they? 🙂

  2. Pat & Bob Kobylensky says:

    Erin, my sweet friend, you have NOTHING to be concerned about regarding your bubble. At least from my perspective, you don’t. Many may disagree, but Bob and I were left alone to bond as a family; but not just because our friends & family respected our privacy during that time, but we lived 300 miles from the cosest relative. It is my belief that God intended for you and Paul to be left alone until you are ready to “share.”. It might be a couple days,, it might be a couple weeks, but those who love you and desire the best for you and your family will surely honor your need for privacy and will want to see you & your precious family only when you are ready. God bless you, Erin. Please be careful about feeling guilty for wanting what God wants for you. You don’t need to worry about whether your climbing into a bubble is unheaLthy. If it becomes unhealthy, Paul will see the signs and will share that with you. Until then just know that the privacy you crave is the privacy you and Paul deserve. This is a part of healthy family bonding.

    With my kove,
    Pat

  3. Emy says:

    Erin, I want you to know that after reading your post I sat with the Lord for a few minutes in prayer just for you. Then I asked Him what words did He want me to pass on to you, and I opened to these words from Proverbs (3: 5-6): “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall make your paths straight.”

    As I laid my bible back down, it fell open onto my own favorite passage from Jeremiah (29: 11-12): “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”

    So, just know that you are in the prayers of many…and those prayers are being answered by the Lord. He has you, Paul, Mason, and Grady right there in the palm of His hand and He is showering you with love and good things to give you hope and a future…and He will lead you along and make the roads you will journey much easier than you can imagine.

    God bless. Be safe in your bubble and don’t worry if people are offended if you need to be alone, have down time, and you let them know. You need time to be with Jesus, so your exhaustion is giving you that time. Take advantage of it.

    God bless and keep you in His comfort and safety.

    Emy

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