Letting it flow…tears of joy

All too easy is it to read the Downs books and get consumed with the medical facts, the statistics the jargon. It can be oppressive as an expecting mother, I really just want to think little blue onesies, bouncy seats and lullaby’s.   Before finding out about Grady I was solely concerned about what happens inside me each week. I would get excited over an extra inch or pound, fingernails or hair, skin and bones oh and updating my facebook status with big happenings with Grady (a facebook account I no longer have). I haven’t even read my usual websites regarding week by week pregnancy developments since finding out, actually I dont even know what week I am exactley. Instead I am reading heavy DS books, googling facts and eventually finding a release in other people’s inspirational blogs and a family who’s son has DS that we have met at church. But at the end of the day all I my mind is consumed by is Downs, the possible medical complications, the physical characteristics the serious side of things when really if I take a moment to  just STOP and allow my maternal side to break through….I break down.  I actually picture this child of mine and I get overwhelmed with emotion, because as an expecting mother all I can really visually see is a tiny baby nestled in my arms, the sweet smell of their head and  the tiny fingers and toes that will all be ours to love and cherish. When I stop thinking about all of that jargon when I let down my walls I see Grady, the same little boy I had hoped for, the tiny infiant that he will be in my arms, the child who will need me and will love me … the child who will be oh so perfect in my eyes and they eyes of God.

Yesterday, we had a chance to visit with the beautiful family from our church who has a 3 yr old son with Downs for the second time.  When we first met, I was overwhelmed with emotion to the point where I froze up anything maternal when meeting their child. As the weeks have gone by I have become comfortable with our situation and my own self and seeing their Son again yesterday threw me into a state of Love, Compassion and Joy to the point of tears. I cried right in front of his mom and him, not because I felt bad, or because I was sad, but because I looked at their child and saw a little boy, who smiled and laughed, who wanted to be loved and hugged….I just saw a little boy. I didn’t see an extra chromosome hanging from his ears or toes. He was perfect. His mother gave me a big hug, it felt so good.

Side-note:So for the past two weeks, I have started preparing for life with two children. I want to be prepared for everything Grady will be and wont be in the best way I currently know how. For me at this point it looks like me actually taking a shower before I start the day. My newfound morning routine has really helped me get my day started. In the past I would wait till Mason took his first nap, and I would pretty much drag myself through breakfast & the first part of the day. I thought this routine put in place is one of the best ways to allow me to feel prepared for everything a day will bring with two children. It’s a small step, but for me some mornings it feels like a huge leap!


3 thoughts on “Letting it flow…tears of joy

  1. Tara says:

    Hi! I’m Tara from Babycenter Ds board. Welcome to the wonderful Ds community! Congratulations on your pregnancy! I love that you’re getting your obsession with Ds over with BEFORE your baby comes. 🙂 Wish I had done that. Although we had some indicators of Ds during pregnancy, we received the actual dx postnatally and that’s when I found babycenter and all the blogs. I became a tad obsessed. 🙂 Soon you’ll be holding sweet Grady and wondering what all the fuss was about.
    Blessings! Come and visit our blog if you get the chance. Eon is number six for us.

  2. Adrienne says:

    Hi, saw that you have a blog from babycenter and thought I’d stop by. Congrats on your son and you are one amazing journey! My son Bennett is almost 6 months old and I too started a blog when we found out at 18 weeks that he would have Down syndrome. Many blessings to you and your family!



  3. skiingthroughlife says:

    Adrienne, I visited your blog and LOVED IT! What a STRONG women you are. I bookmarked your blog on my computer, your little boy is so precious and I so related to your initial reaction, your honesty was beautiful. I saw you are from NC, I wanted to know what the support from the State looked like down there? We ponder the possibilities of moving back to NC a lot… I played soccer for State for a few years and moved around the state a bit, and well… love it there!

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