Letting go of Control could be one of the hardest things to do…until recently I thought If I manipulate the way I share the news with people in a way that would prevent them from saying “I’m Sorry” I would be winning a small battle. So by starting off by saying to them “dont say sorry, we are blessed to know that Grady will have DS” (that is just straight up telling people what to do! lol) Or by preparing a short monologue regarding my faith and positive outlook before dropping the DS bomb I would be silencing their natural and often uncomfortable reaction. I am aware and respectful of the human condition as I have blogged about it before. DS is uncomfortable to talk about sometimes, it takes people aback because they are uneducated on the facts or unaware of what it really is. Even more so they look at my family, our age, my little boy mason and can’t seem to picture this unlikely scenario playing out in February. Sometimes I find myself in a state of anger or frustration because I feel like I am protecting so hard, when really I am overjoyed to let it all out. Both my husband and I have found it therapeutic to share the news of Grady, because through sharing comes stories of hope and inspiration. This is of course welcome as we count down the days till we meet our little man. For example, during a recent conversation with a friend, she shared with me her close friendship with a young girl with Down Syndrome. They went to high school together, they worked together at a video store, and they still keep in contact 7 years after high school, I even learned this young lady has FACEBOOK! cool stuff. My friend even share with me that at her upcoming nuptials in Florida her friend with Down Syndrome will be flying down and will be handing out the wedding programs. To make it that more touching she shared with me that she has been donating to NDSS for a long time now in honor of her friend (but she has never told her). Gosh, I was so lucky to hear her story about friendship and compassion.
I know people will talk, sometimes its without mal-intent, sometimes it’s because they have nothing else to talk about and sometime, and just sometimes it’s so darn interesting to them and well Grady’s Secret adds some really juciy pep to their gossip sessions. In a perfect world, I would hope the conversation regarding our child would come with tact, compassion and truth. I have hope that my beloved’s do just that. I have recently been reminded of a very important scripture, in reference to my quickness to battle the flesh before looking into the root of the true issue. “Remember the scripture in Ephesians 6:10-12… for we do not fight against flesh and blood but against…all the forces of evil, darkness and wickedness in the heavenly places.” I welcomed this friendly reminder from the spiritual guidance of the man who married Paul and I, because this is exactly what I find myself doing, fighting the wicked tongue instead of quickly forgiving turning to prayer for the battle is beyond the chit-chat. I am not certain on my comfort level on continuing a trust based relationship with these chit chatters, but that is something my heart will have to tackle at another point in time. Ugh, my plate is full.
I was sharing our news with a important person the other day and found myself somewhat whispering the situation, and as I was doing it I was having a whole different conversation in my mind “Erin, what are you doing? just talk in a normal voice, they are all going to find out sooner or later, speak up, stop that, did that person just hear me that walked by..” Ok,ok, I am not crazy but this really happened. I even forgot what I was saying in the middle of the conversation because I was so mesmerized by my own actions. Until I figure this out, I am sure Grady is just saying, “don’t worry about it mom, I will let them know all about it when I get out of here, I will show them through God’s love that will shine through me” So, I whispered.
Update: Found a new OB Dr. that specializes in High-Risk Pregnancy this week, She delivers at the Sophisticated Hospital I wish to deliver in, and I will solely see her till the end of my pregnancy. I have not broken the news to my current OB practice, but I will make sure to Control and Manipulate the outcome/response the best I know how. (sarcasm). I am feeling great and Grady man is kicking the living day light out of my belly these days, as if he is just rip roaring ready to take on this place. My belly has really popped and I am soaking all the little joys up. Paul & I are attending a marriage conference at our Church this Saturday, I’m looking forward to this opportunity to grow with him, knowing we are both saved and on the same path now. Amen.