Maternal Moment: stubborn me


24 weeks pregnantI have been feeling pretty good about things for a few days now… even after trying to reason with my Doctor’s office as to why I want to transfer to a big medical hospital to deliver Grady. They constantly are trying to reassure me that I should stay with them and deliver with them.  My initial plans to deliver in a small community hospital have really gone out the window for a few reasons. First, it is a small community hospital and well I just have an issue  with the small town feel of things when things aren’t all honky dory, call me crazy but I really don’t want my experience in the hospital to be like the second coming of DS for the doctor’s and nurses. I want it to be just like it was supposed to be if Grady was without his condition. Oh, here is my control side coming out, but to be fair I would also consider it along the lines of a maternal instinct. I am a realist and reality is, this small hospital doesn’t see Down Syndrome babies all the time and well I can almost 100 % guarantee they are going to act different…in some way, shape for form. This is the human condition after all in reaction to new or infrequent experiences. I understand that for the most part, I will have to grow some thick skin and deal with it for a long time to come, but is it selfish of me to want my birthing experience of Grady to go as normal as possible? I don’t think so.

Second, the small hospital is without a NIC unit, therefore should anything go wrong, they will transfer my little Grady man right away and I wont be able to be with him. UGH, I cannot fathom this possibly reality.  I am scheduling a C-section (Mason was delivered by E-C-section so there aren’t much choices in this matter) So really they could take him away and I would have to wait to see him.  Also, there is no neonatologist on staff there. Here is the realist side of me again. Yes, they can take a few peeks at Grady before he is born with their Ultrasounds, but there is no guarantee about his full condition upon arrival. So really why take chances, I want to know that no matter what we will be taken care of by one of the best medical facilities in the North East, not to mention a Hospital who regularly sees DS babies. I am sure my little man will come with no “shock and awe”. 

Lastly, once I get my mind set on something I am sure to stick with it, so this upcoming week I will begin to plan on transferring practices. Let’s just hope I don’t go too early and am stuck on the Tapan Zee bridge in labor 🙂 No, no… God won’t give me any more than he has lately, I think we are all squared up ;).

Maternally Me: The cold weather has moved it’s way in, meaning bigger sweaters and more hot chocolate! But this fall has brought a new feeling and view on colder weather and Grady Wayne. I am becoming so eager to meet him that I constantly picture me bundling him up and keeping him warm.  I get the chills as I walk outside all the time and  all I can think of is how I can’t wait to hold him close to my  skin and just cuddle the warmth into him. As if this act will be just one more way to keep him safe and express my love for him.

My next post will most likely reflect: the “im sorry” “congrats” reaction to the news…  hohmmmm…

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